Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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