I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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