I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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