So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
