I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
