Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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