Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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