i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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