the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
