She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
