I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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