My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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