Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Someone signed my nipple.
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