She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize