then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
