well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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