my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
