Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
