I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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