Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
