saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
they're like a gay fantastic four
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
