So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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