If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
