please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
