This house was built for laser tag.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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