i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize