I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
