I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
