he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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