He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Your penis caused this!
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
