she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize