Screwed.edu
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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