I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
