why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
