with your own penis?
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
