Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize