She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
