I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
