There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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