you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
