we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
