i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
