My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
