tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
