sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
did i just pee glitter
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
