does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
