I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
