Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
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