I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
