She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
