I'm sorry my penis didn't work
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
