we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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