you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
