I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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