btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
