So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
do nipples grow back?
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