So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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