I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
