theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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