The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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