Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
