you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
