It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i dont even know how to be here
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
