we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
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