You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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