haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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