You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize