omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I want her autograph on my taint
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
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