new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
