i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
