she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
