Christians are straight up FREAKS
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
