were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
