An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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