one two three fourrrrnication!
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
