Whod you bang
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
