let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize