so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
