can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
