I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
