very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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