Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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