i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
