if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
