I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
