He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize