if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
