this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
