Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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