At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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