i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
