Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
