One girl and one boy is just not enough.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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