I don't usually arrange sex via text message
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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