I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
