Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Randomize
