The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
