happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
