dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I looked at my own cervix.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
