STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
