The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
