Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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