My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
