she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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