I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
only you would photoshop your dick
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
