how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
