thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
