Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize