allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
