Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
