it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
