Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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